About Me
Nancy's Letter
Christmas, 2021
Greetings friends and family:
I pray you are all well and are navigating this very unusual time. There have been so many life changes in the McClellan family, so, because I do not want lose touch with you, I am sending this letter. It will be in place of a Christmas card. March 12, 2020, my precious husband, Rick, entered heaven to be forever with his beloved Savior, Jesus Christ. He was being treated for Chronic Myelomonocytic Leukemia (CMML), a rare Leukemia which in his last days became Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML). During that time, he had kidney failure and a femoral bypass that ended up with the amputation of his leg below the knee. With all these different issues, it is likely that Agent Orange had a lot to do with it. He was exposed in 1968 in the Blue Waters. However, there is no proof.
He trusted God through all of this and never complained. My hero. It was an honor for me to be with him through all the surgeries, appointments, and all. We enjoyed so many special times and always just being together was joy itself. Our church was wonderful to us and so many friends encouraged and loved on us. I am forever grateful for such blessings.
Because he died the morning they closed the hospital for COVID, things got complicated. The reason I am writing this is because we were not able to have a memorial for him. Since no one could meet, we had a family burial in a March blizzard with several close friends attending. I was grateful that we could do this as they threatened to close the cemetery. Good grief. I did get a flag, but not the military salute he wanted. So, I am honoring him with this letter and memorial card.
I have relocated to Colorado Springs to be near my daughters and family. I sold our home of 36 years in Glenwood Springs to my daughter’s childhood friend and her sweet family and bought a wonderful patio home five minutes away from my family. I am happy here. My daughter’s church is so special with women’s Bible Studies and a very special widow’s group. We have all bonded and are such supports for each other. Lori is able to come down every weekend from Highlands Ranch, CO.
My neighborhood is lovely and out of my bedroom window I can see Pikes Peak on a good day. It hasn’t been easy as many of you may know, but my testimony is that through it all, my Lord has provided me with abundantly more love and care that I could even think. He has been so faithful and as long as I have breath I will sing of the goodness of God.
It would bless me so much if you would go to the listed site below and read his obituary. Also, please read my daughter, Stacy’s letter that she wrote to her dad several months after he passed to tell him of all the things that had happened due to the times we have been living in. Her husband Todd and the grandkids, Maddie, Zac and Chloe also created a sweet slideshow that no one got to see but us. Would you let me know if you were able to see it? It would be such a blessing.
I will keep you all in my prayers,
Blessings,
Nancy
I send my wishes for a peaceful Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Post Independent Obituary for Rick -
Stacy's Letter
Hi Dad,
It’s been such a long time since we’ve talked; the last time was back on March 12, 2020 which when you left us for Heaven. There have been so many times since then that I have had whole conversations with you; but only in my heart. It still seems so surreal over a year later. I am reminded of my last words and interactions with you, as I spent days and hours at your side watching Jesus usher you into Heaven. Those times of conversations, crying, laughter, and holding your hand as your body weakened and your soul strengthen hold a special place in my own soul. I hope we honored you well by helping to give you the death you wanted.
I wanted to fill you in on the craziness that is happening down here on earth. I originally wrote this letter right after you died, and I am updating it a year later. As you’ll learn as you read on, we weren’t able to have much of a memorial service for you. Mom and I have decided one way we can honor you is to have a memorial service via mail. We are mailing this to those who cared about you and would have likely come to your funeral, if it had occurred.
March 13, 2020, the very day after you left, the world pretty much fell apart due to the Corona-19 virus. You wouldn’t believe it even if you could see it. The hospital shut down to visitors and while we didn’t want you to go, we were glad that it didn’t happen one day later, or we couldn’t have been by your side. The world went into a frenzy about not having toilet paper, and I kid you not, the grocery stores and even Costco had no toilet paper to be found for weeks! Schools shut down, churches could not meet, non-essential business shut down, and we were given a stay-at-home order from Governor Polis. Yep, you would not believe it!
The first few days after you died, was such a blur. We found your ‘Dead Book” notebook, complete with ‘Dead Book” stickers on it with your distinct handwriting to positively identify it. You did an amazing job of preparing us for your passing. We found just about all paperwork we needed in there. Your funeral was even planned out; you listed music you wanted, significant life events, your obituary and important official paperwork were all in there. On your computer, we found a whole file of pictures called “Rick’s Life” that had tons of pictures from childhood to your last years. So convenient for the kids who spent hours putting together a video, set to your music you requested, for your funeral service. We sent out a link to it with this letter so everyone can see it.
We brought this notebook into the Funeral Home to plan your service. We all knew there would be such a big turn out since so many people loved you and wanted to honor you. Sitting around the table at the funeral home, we learned that we would have to limit your service to only 50 people, due to quarantine restrictions at the time. We so struggled on how to best honor you with just a small fraction of the people who wanted to be there in attendance. We decided to live stream the service so everyone could be in attendance one way or another. We continued on with your wishes as best as we could but saddened that we couldn’t meet them all.
Just a few days later, we learned that large groups were restricted to only 10 people. 10 people! How could there be a service worthy of honoring you with only 10 people there? We didn’t have a choice and proceeded as best we could. We were able to secure the Navy to come and give you the Navy burial you so wanted. It was the only ‘win’ we had, at that point.
Shortly after, we received a call that it was a good possibility that the cemetery would close that very day. That meant there could only be Mom and me could be there for your burial that would have to happen that very day. Our family members had traveled home over the mountains for a few days to gather some things. Mom fell to the floor in grief hearing that we may not even be able to bury you. Such a foundational part of the death process and we may have to give that up as well? You did not want to be cremated and we felt strongly to carry out your wish to be buried (Thank you for making that clear in the “Dead Book”). Not knowing what else to do, we called your church and my church and asked for prayer.
We had to navigate two unthinkable storms: losing you and the panic of Corona-19 virus. Later that day, I sat on the back porch, looking at your beloved mountains, and had ‘lunch’ with you. I looked up to the clouds, as if you were really there and conversing with me. I told you how we were trying our absolute best to give you the funeral you deserved, but we just couldn’t make it happen. I was so very sorry. I could almost hear you say, “Oh really? I understand. It’s ok. Thank you for trying.”
The night before your small graveside service, we went to the Funeral home to view your body. It seems odd to say, but as sad and awful as it was to see you there, you looked pretty good! It made me realize how sick and weak you really had gotten toward the end. Upon leaving, we learned that the Navy couldn’t attend and give you your well-deserved Navy burial. I think that was the breaking point for us all. I cannot even express or give words to how disappointed we were. I think one could have actually seen our shoulder’s stoop in sadness as the oxygen forcibly left our lungs all at the same time.
The morning of your graveside burial it was snowing, sleeting, cold, wet and absolutely miserable. However, upon arriving at the cemetery, there was probably 30-40 people who defied the quarantine just to be there for you. It was so moving to see the love people had for you.
Mom ordered some beautiful red flowers for your casket; since you liked red and it seemed patriotic to us. When we learned we couldn’t have a service for you, we cancelled that order. Your casket could still the American flag on it for your burial. The weather was not cooperating the day of your burial, and we couldn’t even have the flag to cover you on this important day. We are so sorry. We had no other choice than to have your coffin uncovered and bare. In a way, it symbolized our surrender; surrender to everything we wanted for you, everything you wanted and ultimately our surrender to the entire situation we were in and acknowledge the Lord was ultimately in control of our circumstances.
In the midst of this small, but at the same time unprecedently large group, we somehow made it through your service and actual burial. We all stayed with Mom until they had us leave the cemetery. She wanted to be with you until the very last moment here on this side of Heaven. She loves you deeply. We had just witnessed one of the rawest emotional experiences ever of watching you be lowered into the dirt, mud, and rock filled grave. After, we all looked at each other with tear streamed faces, shrugged our shoulders and said, “Now what? I guess we just go home?” There couldn’t even be a reception afterwards where we could be with the people we loved to help us process what we had just witnessed and experienced. A handful of sweet friends came and sat with us at home for a little while.
Technically people were not to be within 6 feet of each other; so how in the world were we supposed to receive hugs and support as we lived through this hard time? A few people were rebellious and snuck in a hug and some gave a heartfelt, but social distanced fist bump. We craved some physical touch, and we loved every hug we got. When did hugging a grieving person at a graveside become against the rules? March 2020 is when that became the new norm. There has not been anything normal about your passing and we did not have the opportunity to mourn, grieve and have the closure that is so necessary.
Since that day, we scooped Mom up and brought here over the mountains to be with us. We couldn’t bear to drive away and leave her alone in your house all alone in isolation and quarantine. This has been unbelievable hard for her, but she’s a strong woman and she is hanging in there……barely at times. I hear your life wisdom you gave to your pastor in that hospital room. You were barely able to speak loud enough for us to hear, but you declared that ‘Marry well” was important enough for you to impart that pearl of wisdom to everyone. You married well, Dad.
During the weeks and months that followed, we watched the world continue to shut down, but we also wrestled with observing some confusing scenarios. There were some high-profile people who died during this time frame and we watched in disbelief and a little bit of resentment that they were able to have large, sometimes over a 1,000+ people, in attendance from all over the country. The country was under a travel ban (no more than 10 miles from home) and quarantine where no more than 10 people could be together. We watched as large protests subsequently occurred around the country with no social distancing (Oh, that is a new word in the dictionary since you died), masks or restrictions in place.
We felt so confused about not being able to honor you like the families of these other deceased people could. It seemed like the world was picking and choosing who could have the normal grieving process and defy the rules and who could not. Heartbreakingly, you fell in to the ‘could not’ category.
You were a man of such integrity. You loved your God, your family, your community, your mountains, your ocean so deeply and well for 76 years and yet we could not even give you a decent funeral.
Dad, your name was not known all over the nation and world, but you no doubt made an impact on people. We were unable to adequately show the world what an incredible man you were. We are so sorry that it seemed like your life and death were just swept under the rug because you weren’t famous or wealthy and your name wasn’t instantly recognized all over the country in daily conversation. We acknowledge the impact these other people make on our culture, but it doesn’t soothe the hurt in our souls that you didn’t get what you wanted and without a doubt deserved for a life very well lived.
Since you died, Youth for Christ has received very generous donations; all in your name. We have also had so many people come to us and tell us things like:
“Rick was the most integrous businessman I know or ever worked for.”
“Rick was kind and gentle.”
“Rick saved my marriage by imparting his wisdom to me.”
“Rick was a sweet man in a special category all to himself.’
“I never saw Rick lose his composure in Navy OCS or do anything in anger. He was a rock.”
“Rick was a quiet and true Patriot”
“Want to see a true Christian, just look at Rick and how he lived.”
“We had such fun times camping, hunting and exploring the mountains with him.”
As I sit here 365 days later, much has changed, and I hope you’d be proud of your girls as we’ve navigated this new normal. We sold the house in Glenwood Springs. It was one of the hardest things ever to clean out and walk away from that treasured piece of Heaven on Earth. I patted the front deck railing, as a lousy substitute for rubbing your bald head as we left. That act had become something sweet between you and me in the last few years every time we said Goodbye.
We have chosen the motto: “Choose Life” to help move us forward. We brought Mom down to Colorado Springs with us and she has purchased a nice patio home. My family sold and moved to a house close to her; so we are literally only about 5 minutes away. Lori is less than an hour away, too. Mom has been very brave and has met some dear ladies down here and is making some new friends. Covid-19 restrictions are still in place, and it came to visit our home with long lasting effects, but it hasn’t brought us down. We keep “Choosing Life” when missing you becomes so hard and real as we had no choice but must celebrate the Holidays, Birthdays, Graduations, Anniversaries etc. without you.
So, Dad, while you didn’t change the world overall, you changed the world for the people you had contact with for over 76 years. I cannot think of a life better lived. Perhaps the best indicator of a great man you were was how much your family loved and misses you; your wife of over 50 years, your daughters, Son in law, and your grandchildren. It will remain the honor of my life to have been with you during this journey and hand you over to the Lord. Well done, Dad. Well done. Missing you immensely.
Love,
Stacy
From Maddie
Date: Tue, Mar 10, 2020, 12:13 AM
Subject: Thinking of you
Hi Pumpa and Gamma,
Just thinking a lot about you and praying for you tonight. It was hard for me to focus on stuff today because you guys have been on my mind and my heart. I miss you so terribly much and I wish I was there with you. Soon though, I'll be there over spring break! My heart breaks for you and for how hard this journey has been for you the last several months. I wish it was easier. God is with all of us though and He gives us the strength to get through the things He's called us to do. We must not forget that or His love for us. He is good and wise.
I've been feeling very nostalgic tonight and just wanted to thank you for being the source of so many of my all time favorite memories in the past 22 years. I've been remembering my trip to Marco Island with you guys in 2019. Even with all the rain and the disappointment I had just recently experienced with Tommy and not being selected for Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch, I really had such a good time. Going shopping for all those cute clothes, watching good movies, and getting our nails done with you, Gamma. And going to the Buzzard Festival, walking the beach in search of sand dollars, eating seafood at that quirky restaurant before going on the airboat ride, and kayaking the Everglades with you, Pumps. And going on the boat ride and not having the engine quit on us like it did over Thanksgiving, thank goodness. And of course getting caught in the rain more than once haha. I really felt closer to you guys after this fun time and that we developed our relationship even more.
Also, all those times going ATVing were so, so exciting. I remember going when I was not even tall enough to brace myself on the foot holders and my elbows would get rubbed raw from holding on to the black container. But I loved going with you guys so much that I didn't care about my elbows. My favorite times were when Chloe didn't want to go at all, but she went and loved it so much she couldn't wait to drive the AVT and when Zac was drinking Diet Coke and had his infamous giant toot that vibrated the rock he was sitting on. Too funny! I also caught my first (and only few) fish with you guys on our fishing trips and at Dinkle Lake. I also had such fun riding in the Mustang and seeing Gamma's face as Pumpa peeled out of the garage, haha! I loved playing our badminton games and making s'mores over the fire in the back yard in the summer, and absolutely enjoyed being pulled on the sled by the ATV in the pasture in the winter.
Thank you for fostering my love of horses. I'm so glad we had this special connection, Pumpa. I always looked forward to riding Squirt, Red (a long, long time ago), and Hannah as you lead me around on them. Thank you for encouraging me when I was training Joy and Buck. And thank you both for supporting my love of travel and adventure. By the way, I'm fully funded for my trip to Guatemala at the end of May! Thank you for your donation and for your prayers!
Thank you for all these fun memories growing up.
Thank you for mentoring and encouraging me in my faith in God. I am so incredibly blessed to be surrounded by family who so devoutly live for Christ.
Thank you for being my Gamma and Pumpa and for being so involved in my life.
I love you two with all my heart. 💕
In my thoughts and prayers as always,
Maddie
From Maddie
Date: Sun, Jul 12, 2020, 8:58 PM
Subject: Letter to Pumpa
Dear Pumpa,
Its been such a crazy year this year. You are not missing much to be honest. You left this crazy world at the perfect moment to miss all the insane things that are happening. Like seriously, just one day after you left us and first met Jesus, they closed the hospital to visitors. Im glad you get to bypass all thats going on here. Its been helping me to realize how wonderful Heaven is and how fallen our world is. God is using this time to help me keep more eternal focused rather than getting worried about what could happen here on earth.
I am going to try and write this without crying. I miss you terribly. It still feels like I should be expecting you to come to my house with Gamma any minute. It was so weird having the whole family here for Zac's graduation and there was a very obvious absence of your presence. It was very apparent to me while taking pictures of all the grandparents with Zac and there were only three grandparents there. I have my favorite picture of you (the one I drew for you so many years ago) riding Squirt in the mountains with Red's ears photoboming right next to my bed. Its nice to look over and see you in your element whenever I want. I miss you so much. We had so much in common and we had so much fun together. Last time we were all at your house in GWS, Zac and I where getting stuff ready to go fishing and we pulled out your tackle box and fishing poles and we had a question and I almost went to go find you to help us. I then remembered you aren't there anymore. It took all my strength to hold back tears. It felt so weird to get stuff ready for a fun adventure with out you. We went ATVing a few days later (you don't even want to know what happened to your side-by-side). Just Dad, Zac, Chloe (she actually went pleasantly this time!) and I went that time. It was fun but it wasn't as fun without you. It reminded me of the last time we went together. That was the time Chloe threw a fit about going but then couldn't wait to drive. That was my favorite time for sure. I'm so glad that all my fondest memories are with you and all the fun things we did.
Today we went to look at houses for us and Gamma to move to. I kept thinking of how hard it will be to leave the house I grew up in. But for some reason, when mom said the plan was to sell your house in GWS, I couldn't stop crying. It was so much harder for me to hear that we are selling your house than it was to hear we might be selling our house. It felt like another loss in this season where we have lost so much as a family, a country, and as individuals. Your house holds such a special place in my heart. I mean, its your house, the house where my favorite person lived and loved. Its a place where all my dearly loved memories take place. A place that I have so many dreams about. I have dreamed for a long, long time of learning how to take care of the property, keep some of my own horses there, keep your legacy alive there. Its very unrealistic because I am far from being able to do any of that right now, but its been a dream of mine. Losing the house, I feel like I will lose some of my dreams and memories with it. I know I shouldn't treasure in my heart the things of this earth, but I treasure you and the things about you. I am a very sentimental person, I guess I take after you in that.
I just wanted to say that I miss you and things are not the same without you. I miss you so much. (I wasnt able to get through this without crying).
Love,
Maddie